Mężczyźni znacznie trudniej znoszą utratę pracy

Do tego niechętnie dzielą się swoimi problemami. Jak pomóc osobom, które zostały zwolnione?
Maria Szuster
Na pytania Czytelników odpowiadała Maria Szuster, psycholog i doradca zawodowy

fot. Fot. Adam Lewandowski/Gazeta Pomorska

Na te pytania odpowiada Maria Szuster, doradca zawodowy i psycholog z Ośrodka Edukacji i Psychoterapii "Ego" w Bydgoszczy. 

- Mąż niedawno stracił pracę. To było jego pierwsze i jedyne miejsce zatrudnienia. Przepracował tam prawie 20 lat. Jak, na razie, niczego sobie nie znalazł. Zarejestrował się do pośredniaka. Widzę, że bardzo go ta sytuacja dołuje. Nie wiem, jak mogę mu pomóc. Staram się go pocieszać, ale chyba nie za dobrze mi to wychodzi. Mąż jest coraz bardziej drażliwy, często dochodzi między nami do kłótni. Co mogę zrobić?

- Najbardziej pomoże pani mężowi nakłaniając go do zgłoszenia się do doradcy zawodowego lub psychologa. Z badań wynika, że mężczyźni dużo trudniej znoszą sytuację bycia bez pracy, a do tego niechętnie dzielą się swoimi problemami. Specjalista pomoże mężowi realnie określić, w jakich miejscach i w jaki sposób szukać pracy, pomoże też rozładować negatywne emocje. Myślę, że trudno pogodzić rolę żony i doradcy zawodowego. Dlatego czuje się pani sfrustrowana. 

- Czy wszyscy tak samo reagują na utratę pracy? Ja bardzo się przejmuję, a widzę, że znajoma cieszy się z "wakacji"?

- Pierwszą naszą reakcją jest szok. Zwłaszcza, jeśli zwolnienie z pracy spotyka nas niespodziewanie, zbiega się z trudną sytuacją rodzinną lub w naszym odczuciu jest niesprawiedliwe. Następna faza to zaprzeczenie, kiedy nie rozmawiamy z nikim o fakcie zwolnienia, udajemy, że nie ma problemu. Zdarza się, że osoby w tej fazie nadal wychodzą normalnie z domu, jakby szły do pracy, by uniknąć kłopotliwych pytań rodziny. Potem może przyjść uczucie ulgi, czujemy się jak na dodatkowych wakacjach. Myślę, że znajoma przeżywa właśnie tę fazę. Następnie czujemy złość na szefa, na kolegów, którzy pracują, na rodzinę. Kolejna faza to targowanie się. Realnie lub w myślach przekonujemy szefa, że lepiej by było, gdybyśmy mogli wrócić do pracy. Później zaczynamy obwiniać się o zaistniałą sytuację, zalewa nas poczucie winy i żalu. Wpadamy w panikę, próbujemy szybko i chaotycznie znaleźć jakąkolwiek pracę, niekoniecznie zgodną z naszymi kwalifikacjami.

Kiedy te wysiłki nie przynoszą efektów, wpadamy w depresję. Tracimy poczucie własnej wartości, poczucie bezpieczeństwa, uciekamy w alkohol, nie mamy ochoty dalej szukać. Dopiero po tych wszystkich fazach może nadejść moment akceptacji emocji, które nas zalewają. Gdy je uznamy, pojawia się realna ocena siebie i chęć do zmian. To czas podejmowania decyzji i zobaczenia nowych możliwości.

- W październiku straciłam pracę. Na początku łudziłam się, że szybko coś znajdę. Uruchomiłam kontakty, powysyłałam kilkadziesiąt CV, ale wciąż nic. Już nie wiem, co robić?

- Są pewne etapy w reagowaniu na utratę pracy, które przechodzi każdy z nas po zwolnieniu. Warto o tym wiedzieć, że nasza złość, rozpacz, poczucie bezradności są naturalną reakcją i nie stawiają nas poza nawiasem społeczeństwa. Dopiero, kiedy uznamy te wszystkie trudne emocje, zaakceptujemy je, może pojawić się motywacja do podjęcia decyzji. Myślę, że bardzo ważne w tej sytuacji jest zwrócenie się po pomoc do innej osoby. Ktoś stojący z boku potrafi w sposób bardziej obiektywny określić, co robimy dobrze, co można by poprawić, z jakich możliwości nie korzystamy. Polecam dobrego doradcę zawodowego lub psychologa.

- W styczniu w moim zakładzie były zwolnienia grupowe. Robotę straciło ponad 100 osób, w tym ja. Obiecywano nam pomoc w przekwalifikowaniu się i znalezieniu nowej pracy. Jak zwykle, skończyło się na obietnicach. Choć szukałem pracy na własną rękę, to bezskutecznie. Tracę nadzieję, że uda mi się coś znaleźć?

- Wiele instytucji ma w swoich zadaniach wpisaną pomoc osobom zwalnianym z pracy. Radziłabym udać się do doradcy zawodowego lub psychologa w urzędzie pracy, Centrum Informacji i Planowania Kariery Zawodowej. W tak obciążającej emocjonalnie sytuacji bardzo trudno jest poradzić sobie samemu.

- Ile średnio w Polsce szuka się pracy? Czy to zależy od poziomu wykształcenia?

- Badania statystyczne wykazują, że jeśli szuka się pracy siedem godzin dziennie przez pięć dni w tygodniu, to w przeciągu roku na pewno się ją znajdzie. Ma to swoją dobrą stronę (możemy być spokojni, że nasz cel osiągniemy) i trudną stronę (szukanie pracy to bardzo ciężka praca).

Poziom wykształcenia ma o tyle znaczenie, że więcej zarejestrowanych bezrobotnych jest po szkole podstawowej i zawodowej. Są zawody, w których jest dużo ofert pracy, np. dla inżynierów, hydraulików, pracowników budowlanych, spawaczy.

- W tym roku kończę studia. W ich trakcie odbyłam tylko trzy praktyki. Od marca zaczęłam szukać pracy. Zostałam zaproszona na dwie rozmowy kwalifikacyjne. Za każdym razem od potencjalnego szefa słyszałam, że chętnie by mnie zatrudnił, gdybym miała doświadczenie. Jak mam je zdobyć, skoro nikt nie chce mi dać szansy. To zamknięte koło...

- Mimo tego, że wiem, że okres kończący studia jest bardzo obciążający polecałabym poszukanie zatrudnienia w formie wolontariatu lub stażu. Z tej pozycji łatwiej będzie pani szukać później pracy. Słowa pracodawcy o braku doświadczenia mogą wydawać się niesprawiedliwe. Natomiast z mojej praktyki wynika, że osoby starsze, mające doświadczenie, słyszą od pracodawcy zarzut, że nie są młode. Tak więc w każdej sytuacji pracodawca może znaleźć pretekst do odrzucenia naszej kandydatury.

- Mam 53 lata. Z zawodu jestem krawcową. Szef kilka dni temu wręczył mi wypowiedzenie. Czy są jakieś programy pomocy dla zwalnianych pracowników po pięćdziesiątce? Jeśli tak, to gdzie się zwrócić o pomoc?

- Są takie programy, które wspierają i ułatwiają znalezienie pracy osobom po pięćdziesiątym roku życia. Zależnie od sytuacji, oferują staże, miejsca pracy, wsparcie doradcy zawodowego i psychologa. Proszę zwrócić się do najbliższego urzędu pracy. Tam uzyska pani odpowiednie informacje. 

Przeczytaj także: Szef nie może zapytać, czy jesteś w ciąży 

Autor: Małgorzata Wąsacz
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